If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
