we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize