Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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