The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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