that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
