sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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