I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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