Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
