think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
