First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I still have a little drunk in my system
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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