If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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