i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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