my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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