dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
this beer tastes like vomit already
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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