i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
