Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
