she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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