well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
