3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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