Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
