Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
