If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
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Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
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She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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