i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
A+ Viking dick
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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