I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
