I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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