At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
