you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
