Where are you?
In a non slutty way
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
