why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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