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And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
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