I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
