If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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