I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
