I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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