D3 body, D1 cock
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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