I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We're too hungover to prance.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
