At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize