about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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