Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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