the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I want her autograph on my taint
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
