And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
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The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
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Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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