I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?