hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
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It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
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I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"