The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
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with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
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We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
COCAINE IS GR8