whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups