I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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