He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
