just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
