Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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