We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
