I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
