I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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