I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
