Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
