I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
