Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
