Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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