when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
