Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
