sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
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Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
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A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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