so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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