Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
