Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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