Having a random hookup so left but love u
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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