I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
