So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
